Once Upon a Time…
A woman woke up tired.
Tired of her story.
Tired of how she felt.
Tired of who was looking back at her in the mirror.
And as tired as she was, she couldn’t go back to sleep. So she got up — puffy eyes, heavy limbs and faced the day with her tired self and all.
I’m sure you’ve caught on: I’m not talking about sleep.
This is an ode to the journey of releasing a false sense of self — a dance between mind, heart, and the SoulSelf that lives on.
Being human, you quickly learn that life goes on.
You’re handed certain emotions and given experiences to match.
Some tell you it’s hard.
Some tell you to buck up, be strong, lock it all away.
Then there’s the happiness piece — the one most aim to chase. Duh.
But here’s the flip:
Life doesn’t ask for the guts that awareness commands.
In life, we can choose to remain asleep.
To rest when tired.
Hide when scared.
Back down when challenged.
Awareness always requires guts.
First comes the awareness… then comes more awareness.
The more I live, the more I know: awareness will never have an ending — if that choice is made.
Awareness looks life in the eye and says:
“Go on. For I may be tired, I may be scared… but I dare see anyway.”
Awareness is the start, the middle, the end.
But I feel it in my bones: to constantly create the space of awareness, an open heart must be produced.
How can we develop compassion for ourselves or another with a closed-off heart?
Seriously. As corny as it is… fucking try it, I dare you.
It. Is. impossible.
An open heart is the key that unlocks personal freedom
and creates the space to practice awareness. Time and time again.
As a teen and throughout my 20s, I studied spirituality and how to be a happier, more fulfilled person.
More often than not, I found myself overwhelmed.
I truly thought I had to have every negative, damning thought and emotion cleared to be okay. To be considered that 24/7 happy person.
So in turn, I thought I needed to fix every issue — past, present, future —
even if they weren’t my own damn issues.
This false sense of freedom I thought I was creating
actually created the loop of ups rooted in outward validation,
downs rooted in a lack of validation,
and a lot of judgment when life and people didn’t fall in line with my liking and outward alignment needs.
A fucking prison of my own self-concepts, ya hear?!
It was exhausting.
Yet I felt strong.
It brought moments of situational depression.
Yet also moments of power.
Defensiveness.
Yet flashes of electric connection.
I felt guarded around specific energies—
as if they could so easily take my power away.
Yet that discernment… is a gift.
But here’s the thing…
I was not separating Self from mind.
Causation? Ups & downs.
It was that simple.
There was no fixing anyone, anything, or me on the outside
that could have prepared me for this work.
I’d always heard that healing and becoming better was “an inside job.”
But I thought it meant: do more on the outside to feel better on the inside.
(Hahaha — I'm just an obsessive person okkaayyy.)
But what caused a massive shift was reading about an open heart
to increase awareness — outside of more control.
World-shifting knowledge.
I certainly am obsessed with this concept now.
Knowing I could pair an open heart
while sitting back, observing my brain and every thought that comes through —
to then let go — released the false sense of security I’d built through perfectionism.
I know they have kindergarteners learning these lessons now.
But it’s so easy to forget — because once again, life goes on.
Adulting gets in the way.
And we get tired!!!
But the simple observation of the mind —
Now, THAT integrates darkness with light.
That releases control.
To grant yourself permission
to be aware of these thoughts,
to be aware of the feelings that arise,
and just look at it all with an open heart…
Letting go comes.
It can feel so scary.
Because… what about the hurt?
What about the story?
What about the false sense of protection?
What if I become lazy?
What if what if what if…
Are you kidding me?!?!?!
The cycle never stops.
And so you remain aware.
You observe.
You open that heart.
You let go.
It happens over and over again.
There are so many opportunities to do this.
People aren’t going to magically stop pissing you off.
Bad things will continue to happen — to you, around you, even inside of you.
Go in. Go in. Go in.
Give yourSelf more energy in LIFE.
It’s free and unlimited.
And when I forget —
when I fall back into my brain instead of observing my brain
(reminder people! Alcohol turns down the brain’s brightness! I love a good drink.. but learn to be more intentional about who you'll share that lowered-awareness space with)
I remember:
This is the journey.
To an open heart.
To authentic awareness.
A plethora of opportunity.
Any trial, criticism, moments that put a pit in the gut —
those are perfect chances to become aware of the mind,
observe what’s being said, what’s being felt,
open that heart and let go.
That. Right. There... creates aligned response and action.
Someone hurts you?
You now respond from your aware Self with an open heart,
not with a false sense of protection produced by the mind.
People are going to do what they’re going to do.
And no one — I mean, no one — can take your SoulSelf away from you.
Lead yourSelf with an open heart.
And keep going.
In my Skin,
Bre Jackson